Waiting without fear

It was a dreary and stormy afternoon.  We were online watching the trajectory of my brother Bob’s flight from Maine. The plane took a turn to the north to make its way around the heavy line of thunderstorms passing over northeast Ohio.  My brother Dan and I had been to the hospital to get the word from the trauma doctor that Dad would not be able to recover from the head injury sustained when he fell from a heart attack.  We retreated to my place to wait for the arrival of family members from far and wide.  

Then back at the hospital we waited more for everyone to complete the last leg of the journey and meet us there.  After the removal of life support we watched and waited as Dad’s breathing became shallower and finally the full surrender of life came.  Undoubtedly it had to be the most painful and grievous waiting I had ever experienced.

In a sense, all the world is waiting, even travailing through all our strife and division, all the struggle and sorrow.  We have eternity planted in our hearts and that manifests as a longing for all to be made right in the world.  In Romans 8 Paul described our travail as “…groaning as in the pains of childbirth,” but it is an agony mixed with joyful anticipation and eager hope for the new life coming.

The characters in the Christmas story, Zechariah, Elizabeth, Joseph and Mary, were also waiting, but with a sense of promise. Israel had been awaiting the promised Messiah for generations. While some had given up the wait, the people in the Christmas story had kept their heart soft and expectant.  They were able to receive the angels’ pronouncements like seeds planted in fertile soil.  But even they must have needed an added measure of assurance for all the angels’ announcements began with, “Do not be afraid.” 

We also can take these words to heart.  God knows how hard it is for us to wait, and especially to wait without fear. There is the fear of loss of loved ones, or health or income. There is fear of the future, hanging over us like a dark cloud of uncertainty.  Whatever it is that you’re waiting and hoping for, you are not alone. God’s desire from the beginning has been to be with us and centuries before that first Christmas the prophet Isaiah foretold the coming of Immanuel which means, “God with us.”

But He does not come to grant all our wishes like a genie in a bottle. I’ve been in a place of waiting for a long time, seeking answers and relief from some challenges. It is in the long wait that I am learning to not only let go of the relentless search for answers and with it a striving for control driven by fear,  but more importantly to trust that He is working everything out in the best way possible and that His pure and simple presence with me is enough.  It seems that the more I “let go” the more I’ve seen Him move on my behalf to bring resolution in ways I couldn’t have imagined or brought about.

This Christmas I pray that He will meet you where you are in your own place of brokenness or need.  More importantly I pray that you come to fully experience His love, grace and forgiveness. He who asks us to wait without fear is also waiting. He is waiting for you with open arms.

One day closer

Reflecting on the passing of 2015 and looking to what lies ahead, I gather my thoughts from several weeks back…

It was November 29, 4 a.m. and I was pacing the living room floor but not in a restless, agitated way but quietly, thoughtfully. I am waiting for my body to do whatever it needs to do to fall back into sleep. The only light in the room is from the not-quite full moon light filtering through the windows and the 7 watt bulb in the crèche, but it is enough to keep me from tripping or stumbling.

Waiting, it's not generally something I do patiently.

It was the first day of advent and advent is all about waiting. Waiting for His coming, and since he has already come in the flesh, we wait now for His second coming.

And as we read the headlines on the churning of world events, and the threats of terrorism near and far I suspect there is a greater longing for his coming stirred up in the hearts of many.

On a recent Saturday I spent some time with some Jews who believe that Jesus is THE Messiah, otherwise known as Messianic Jews. Two of them brought back a report of their volunteer service in Israel, Ukraine and Russia. In spite of all the turmoil and persecution in those regions, there are many Jews coming to believe in the Messiah. And they believe His second coming is imminent. 

In the quiet moments I listen to the tick-tick-tick of the clock, time moving relentlessly forward. I sometimes wish I could hold back its progress, especially in times of joy and rest. I want to linger a little longer in those moments and let them nourish my spirit but inevitably they seem to slip by so quickly. Yet for those suffering emotional or physical pain, the hours can seem to drag by so slowly.

Whether fast or slow, whatever the times or season, it always helps to remind ourselves that life is fleeting, and that every day brings us one day closer to that glorious Second Advent.

"You do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? it is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away." (James 4:14)

John Piper offers this poignant and memorable advice for a new year:

"Life Is Short. Eternity Is Long. Live Like It.”

Christmas 1921

A Christmas greeting sent to my grandfather Webb Hester's parents, Finlay Hester and Mabelle Lorena Webb Hester, circa 1921.  Mabelle was the daughter of Loren Webb and Francis Hannah Holmes Webb.  Our family has a copy of Loren's Civil War diary.

How is your sense of wonder?

There can’t be many alive who haven’t stood in awe and wonder at the sight of a newborn baby, so tiny and vulnerable, so dependent. Let’s pause for a moment from the rush of life and consider…

You, the strong and powerful that have fought hard battles… in wars, on the streets, in the public square. Perhaps your motivation comes from the desire to somehow make the world a better place for that little one.

You there, hiding in the shadows of shame and guilt. You can lift up your eyes and gaze into his face and feel the grace of this moment.

You there, who have hardened up against all the pain and loss.  Take a moment to look again, perhaps even stroke his soft hair, watch as he opens his eyes to catch the first glimpses of light and life.  Let the hardness begin to melt away.

You there, the weary and worn. You can find rest seeping into your bones as you cradle him in your arms, as you contemplate the wonder of the beating heart, the lungs taking in new air.

You there, the forgotten and lonely.  There’s a place for you here too. Let him grasp your finger with his tiny little fist and feel your profound connection in this grand scheme of humanity.

You there, the wise and learned. Consider for a moment all that is yet unknown about the millions of synapses occurring in that little brain, all that complexity and intricacy formed from the joining of two cells.

You there, whose life is dominated by chronic pain or illness. You’ve wondered what went wrong and why it hasn’t healed. I pray that a seed of hope is planted deep in your being, a hope that is able to generate even a little place of healing in your memories, your cells.  Then let it grow. Let it look up and away to redemption of suffering and on to another life where there will be no more sorrow or pain or tears.

Indeed for all of you, that’s my prayer this Christmas whatever your lot.

There’s so much about the Christmas story that seems so far beyond our wildest imaginations. And yet we’ve heard it so many times that we are lost to its wonder and mystery.

You there, the skeptic, full of doubt.  You the disillusioned, with all your unanswered questions.  Just consider for a moment, what it it’s all true?  What if that little babe in Bethlehem really was God made man? What if He really did choose to leave his throne, to become so vulnerable, not only in the manger but on the cross?  What if He really is orchestrating a grand plan that conquers everything that has kept us weighed down-- in defeat and despair, in loss and suffering, in fear of dying? 

Yes, it really is true!  Sometimes it’s hard to see it amidst all our pain and uncertainty, our broken hearts and broken dreams.  This Christmas I invite you to crack open the door, even just a bit and let the “wonders of His Love” bring you lasting peace and joy, not in circumstances or things, but in His Presence.

"Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means ‘God is with us’)."- Isaiah 7:14 NLT

Overcoming evil with good

Fourteen years ago this week The City Mission’s development team was busy with last minute preparations for the Laura’s Home groundbreaking.  There was much reason for celebration. Then came the 9/11 terrorist attacks.  We considered postponing the event but decided that it was important to move forward with a project that promised to bring hope and healing to thousands of hurting women and children. 

The day of the groundbreaking ceremony was the day the 9/11 flight ban was lifted for Hopkins Airport. Laura’s Home sits directly under a landing pattern for the airport.  Hearing the planes overhead during the ceremony was searing reminder of the deep and painful wound our land was suffering. 

Yet since that day thousands of women and children have found refuge and hope at Laura’s Home.  In the last five years alone Laura’s Home has been provided nearly 220,000 nights of safe shelter to over 5,000 women and children.

Today and every day Laura’s Home is filled to capacity. Women who have struggled through years of trauma, domestic violence, substance abuse and poverty are finding healing and hope, along with practical support and guidance.  Children and teens who have suffered the effects of chaos and upheaval in their families are cared for in a nurturing environment that supports their developmental and academic progress.

Hearing the planes fly over Laura’s Home today, I’m reminded once again of how important it is that we continue do all we can to overcome evil with good, to offer practical help and genuine hope to those come through our doors.

Thank you to all the donors, volunteers and other community partners who stand with us in reaching hearts and changing lives!

Remembering Mom

These thoughts mark the second Mother's Day without my Mom...

In many ways my life has been different from my mother’s.  I’ve lived a single life, achieved a college education, had a professional career, lived in big cities and have learned how to make it on my own.

Yet there is so much more we shared in common, and the values and character traits she worked to instill in my life have united her with me in far-reaching and profound ways.

I share her nurture, patience and compassion for children. She demonstrated that not only for her own children, but many others as well. I think of all the time and energy she put into leading my scout troop and giving swimming lessons to the neighborhood kids.   My first career was in service to families having young children with significant developmental disabilities.  What challenge and joy there was in helping families care for the special needs of their children and help them achieve their developmental potential.

I share my mother’s love of homemaking, making simple foods from scratch, trying new re

cipes, bringing joy to the family table with a special meal, setting the holiday table with tablecloth, china and the crystal glass ware, making a house a home.

I share my mother’s penchant for fun and joy with friends and family.  I think of the creative ways she taught and cared for her children without reliance on television.  I treasure the good memories of the family reunions held at my parents’ house and loved experiencing the bond with extended family. 

I share my mother’s love of using our hands to create things of purpose and beauty. She worked alongside me to complete my school and 4-H projects, and in selecting fabrics for my sewing projects and then finding just the right accessories.  She brought beauty to her home with her many pieces of needlework and artfully displayed collection of depression glassware.

I share my mother’s  values of simple yet practical life skills such as cleaning up after oneself, following through on commitments, sharing with others, working out our differences and putting in a good day’s work. 

I’m especially thankful for the seeds of faith she planted in my life at a young age, and how those seeds have grown and sustained me through some difficult times.

And in her last days I was able to bring her some comfort with tender words, a gentle touch, a song, a kiss.  In fact my last conversation with her was a bittersweet mix of a song and a kiss.  At the time I didn’t know it was the last, but perhaps somehow she did and her mother’s heart rose to the surface even in her pain and confusion.

From my first moments of life to her last, she was there for me. I am forever grateful.

What's in a name

There are over 3,000 names recorded in my Dad’s Family Tree Maker, 71 of them are my direct ancestors, grandmothers and fathers going back 12 generations.  We also have an extensive collection of photographs, letters and other traces of their lives.  Yet for many all we know is their name, spouse, children and birth/death dates.  Even so, they are remembered, if only with a few lines in our tree. Somehow don’t we all hope that we are remembered well after our passing?

I wonder about that as I walk up and down the rows of old cemeteries looking for grave markers for those recorded in our family tree.  I have seen many markers so badly deteriorated that names and inscriptions are no long visible and many stones have broken off or tumbled over.  I imagine family members standing around the open grave, mourning the passing of a loved one and yet now the memory of their once vibrant life has faded and perhaps has even been forgotten with the passing of generations.

Genealogy is important to God too, as evidenced by the record of Jesus’ ancestry in books of Matthew and Luke. So also, names are important to God.  In biblical times, the meaning of names held much more importance and reflected something about the person’s character or purpose. 

Several hundred years before Christ, Isaiah foretold His coming and even then, assigned him the name of Immanuel.  “…the Lord himself will give you the sign. Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means ‘God is with us’). Isaiah 7:14 NLT

My name is important to God too. So is yours.  The psalmist writes, “You saw me before I was born/ Every day of my life was recorded in your book/ Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. Psalm 139:16 NLT

This song entitled “He knows my name” speaks to the reality of His watch over our lives:

I have a Maker

He Formed My Heart

before even time began

my life was in his hands

He knows my name

He knows my every thought

He sees each tear that falls

and hears me when I call

I have a Father

He calls me his own

He'll never leave me

no matter where I go. 

(Song lyrics by Tommy Walker)

The opening pages of the book of Matthew shows us that Jesus’ name also carried special meaning as “Saviour.”  “And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21 NLT

God loves families as well. Even before He made the world, God devised a plan, a way for us to become part of His family. “God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure….”  Ephesians 1: 5 NLT

And now God’s plan has been fulfilled in Jesus, Saviour, Immanuel. You are invited to meet Him at the manger, follow Him to the cross and receive his most gracious and generous gift poured out for you there. 

Deborah Phillips

Christmas 2014